Of Pets and Furballs

I am getting a pet. I am sure about it more than ever. I am still thinking about what to get, though. Maybe I’ll get myself a Persian cat or maybe a pair of rabbits or hamsters? Or if I were adventurous enough, maybe I would get a ferret or even an iguana? That’s a big maybe.
And then again, there’s a big why too. Maybe I am coming of age? Maybe I am in a midst of midlife crisis? Yeah, midlife crisis or what I always term it as menopause for men. I kinda like the term. It has the right ring to it. It has a commercial value, perhaps in a sick kinda way. Imagine a TV ad for the newest cologne in the market, specially made for men above 40. “Here’s to the values that stay on forever. Here’s to eternal youth. Menopause for Men, from Calvin Klien”. (Haha…)
Deep down, I have always loved animals. As a boy scout, it was my pledge. A boy scout loves animals. To some extent, I do. But I have never wanted to have pets, not in recent years at least. I didn’t know why until 2 years back. It took a closed-eye reflection exercise in AW’s Basic Training to make me realize what has long been forgotten.
The five rabbits I had when I was a kid came to me with tales from my past. Well, my dad didn’t give them to me. Not officially, at least and they were not mine, exclusively. They were family pets. But, my dad, he put me in charge of taking care of them and that was as close as I could get to calling them ‘mine’.
I remember we had collections of animals at our house. I don’t know where they came from but we used to have turkeys, pigeons and some exotic and rare birds. We even had Ayam Serama, long before they became a hit in late 90s. They were just chickens to us back then. Long before the craze came into play and the price of the tiny little thing went up to thousands of ringgit.
Did I tell you what happened to the poor rabbits? Well, they all died. All five of them died because of me, the irresponsible kid that I was. I was 9 years old at the time and I was too caught up with my life as a kid, sport practices and football games after school and all, and I neglected the most important part of living, food. The cute and cuddly little fur balls died because I forgot to feed them. And I realized during the session that the event had great effects on me. Because of the event, I never forgave myself for letting them to die. Because of the event, I never trusted myself enough to take up any responsibility to care for pets. I realized that it was the guilt that has actually prevented me from having pets and successful at keeping them, although I have tried.
Back in college days, in good'ol St. Louis, I remember we had cats in our apartment. They came in a package when my housemates and I responded to an ad at a supermarket’s bulletin board. It was not me who suggested but I went along with the decision. We went to a house within a few blocks from the supermarket and the nice lady presented with 3 lovable little kittens. That was when One Spot, Everest and Butterscotch came aboard to become our housemates. We decided to keep their birth names, the names that were given to them by the lady. One Spot was all white except for a little black spot on his head. The most active one, Everest was all black and liked to climb. Butterscotch was what else, butterscotch. There was nothing special about Butterscotch except for the fact that he was mine and officially mine.
We were okay with the arrangement for a few months until we decided not to keep them. That was when we realized that it was not easy to keep them in a small, one-bedroom apartment on 11th floor. And, we had to spare not a small fraction of our skimpy allowance for food and care for them. And they gobbled nothing else but Friskies and Whiskas, which cost more than a box of spaghetti. So, we gave them away. Ok, we technically did that. If you consider leaving the poor cats on the doorstep of the cat lady is the same as giving them away. It was for the good of the lovely creatures. It was done out of love. If it was all that, why did I feel so guilty about it?
I never had other pet after that. Nor have I wanted any. Even after I realized the real reason why I didn’t want any pet. Not until now. Not until today. And I know it is not due to my coming of age or having midlife crisis. It is because I am ready to bury the ghosts from my past. I am ready to forgive myself and I am ready to take up the responsibility.
Now, the most difficult part is to decide on which animal…

Chazz