Death and Dying

I guess no matter who you are, we are still humans after all. No matter what background you came from, who you are in society or in corporate world and who your circles of friends are, you are still a human being. Whether you are a member of a royal family, a super rich corporate figure, an award-winning movie star or a powerful politician, deep down you are still the same human being. Even if you are surrounded by tons of gold or world’s best doctors and surgeons, you still cannot escape death. Nothing is certain except death. That I totally agree.

Reading through thoughts and experience of Allahyarham Zulrushdi (Al Fatihah) in his blog zulrushdi.net has got me thinking about it. God, I am afraid of death. And for that, I admire his strength and courage to accept and face the fact that he’s dying. I’m too small compared to him. I mean I know that I will die some day and I know that there’s nothing that can stop death from getting to me. But somehow, I always think that death is far, perhaps too far from me. Not me. Not today, at least. I have a lot more to do. I have tons of things I want to achieve. I have a lot of unfinished businesses I have to handle. I need more time. The inner part of me cries,”Oh God, don’t make me die today. My kids are still in school. My kids are not married. I have to see my grandchildren before I die. I have not told my mother, my wife, my kids and people around me that I love them. I have a lot more to achieve. And, my book…oh no, not today.” Then, I realize that I don’t have the power to either stop or delay death. And that I have to accept when and how it comes.

The most difficult part of dying is to part us with our worldly affairs. It’s our money, our job, our wives, our children, our friends, our bungalows, our cars, our investment portfolios and the list goes on and on. All those things hold us back and prevent us from accepting that death is just around the corner. Unlike Zulrushdi, we are not willing to let go all those. And unlike Zulrushdi, we don’t have enough strength to accept death. If today, I know that I would only one month to live, honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do.

The world has trapped us in our own little games. We are enslaved by the pressure to satisfy ourselves to the standards, which we think the world has set us to achieve. And every time, without fail, for some funny humanly reasons, we always think what others are getting is more than what we have. We always look out for greatness in other people. We never appreciate what we already have. And, we end up spending the rest of our life pushing ourselves to get more. And as we have more money, more power, higher status and higher ranks, we realize that we don’t have enough and there are a lot more that we want. And we work for more. At the same time, we develop stronger love to the world and we form unbreakable tie to the worldly things. We love this world too much to let it go.

Little that we realize, the world doesn’t really need us. When we die, we are gonna be forgotten unless we left something for people to remember us by. And, the love and contributions (good deeds) that we have given others, those will survive the test of time and stay forever.

ZulRushdi, Thank you for allowing me to be in your space. Thank you for teaching me to remember death. Thank you for making me realize the value of life.

Chazz