My Journey : An Honest Reflection

(From Personal Archives)
As I stepped my feet through the big wooden door, I saw the beautiful meadows covered with long green grass. I could see it as far as my eyes could see. I instantly felt the sense of relief, as I saw the grass dancing passionately, in complete synchronisation to rhythmic motions of the song of the wind.

I knew I was there for the first time, but somehow, I felt something intriguingly familiar about the place. As if I had been there before. As if I had seen the place in my dream.

I could see from afar, rows of trees at the end of the meadows. I saw the big and strong branches full stood out so gallantly. I saw the leaves were waving seductively at me. I felt the wind blowing softly on my face and I could smell its freshness and purity. I felt a certain kind of calmness and comfort surrounding my body.

I felt the bright sunlight on my naked skin. It was bright but it wasn’t hot. It was pleasant, much like a morning sun. It was the light that gave the life to the meadows and to the trees. I could feel the burning sensation in my nerves. As if it was giving me the energy and power, and I could feel the strength so overwhelming that made me believe I could take the journey to the end.

As I took my first little step, I found myself standing on a path that cut through the meadow. It was a narrow path covered with small shrubs with little yellow and purple flowers on both sides. And as I was walking through the path, I felt the touches of virgin dewdrops carressing my feet. And I said to myself, “This is the place I want to be. I am going to continue until I get to the end. I am sure it’s going to be something great waiting for me at the end of the journey”.

And as I continued to walk further, the path was narrowing down on me. I found myself continuing my journey with great difficulties, struggling to get myself through. I saw the dark clouds moving in as if they were following my trail. And, before I realised what it was doing, the lights had slowly faded away and it was suddenly getting darker and darker. I could not see a thing. I could not see where I was going and what was in front of me. I could feel the air was tickening and I could not breath. I continued to walk until I could no longer move.

It was something in front of me that prevented me from stepping further. As I reached my hands out, I could feel that I was touching something. It was a hard flat surface but I couldn’t find the edges, as if it was a wall without ends. And there I was, standing there, completely isolated, confused, annoyed, frustrated and helpless.

I was ready to succumb to the fate that I was a failure when I realised: “I am a human being and when God created me, He blessed me with a gift of choice. I do have choices. I am the captain of my own ship and I am in perfect control of where this ship is going.”

But, then again, I could very well switch on my survival mode and stay there, continue being a victim and feeling sorry for myself but I repeatedly asked myself, “What’s the point?” I could but I wouldn’t let it happen. Not here. Not now. Not in my space.

As I gathered what was left of my energy, I started to pull myself together. I brought the light from within to the surface to conquer the darkness around me. I released the power of mind to overcome the confusion. I revealed the power of my heart to triumph over the unpleasant feelings. I gathered the power of love to defeat my loneliness.

In the end, I found out that all walls have edges.


Chazz