All about Superman
(From Personal Archives)
I was chilling out on a Friday night with an old friend from high school over a few rounds of teh tariks when he popped up a very simple question. You know, one of those questions that sounds rather funny at first, but then, when you think about it, it goes deeper and deeper in your head and then, if you think hard enough, it continues to dwell in your sleeps and your wakes, for weeks, then when you finally get the answer, it is so simple that you think that it’s not worth spending the time to think about it at all. (To tell you the truth, whoever can say the sentence in one breath without taking the oxygen breaks, you should consider taking part in this year’s Malay Mail Big Walk!)
“If you were Superman, what would you do?” he asked.
A whole lot of things came into my mind. The evil side of me came into play. Hmm…if I have those superpowers, what would I do to benefit the good old me, myself and I?
Maybe I could go and rob Ted Turner or Bill Gates. But then, what do I need the money for? With the power that I have, I could just go and take anything I want. Who would stop me? Or rather, who could stop me?
Maybe I could dump people that I don’t like out of this planet, and the nearest would be Alaska, if today were my mother’s birthday? But, with the power that I have, they could not do anything to bother me. Who are these weak humans? I don’t want to dirty my hands on those good-for-nothing scumbags.
So, what do I want?
Beautiful women? What do I want Catherine Zeta-Jones and J.Lo for, when they’re just another cars in APAC’s Storeyard?
Luxury sports cars? Aren’t you forgetting something? I can fly for God’s sake. Evo8 is nothing when you can even smoke a B-2.
Expensive vacations? Again, I can fly. Anywhere. Who needs breakfast in Paris, lunch in South Africa and dinner in Moscow when you could have them in Mars, Venus and Jupiter? Let alone the Bank’s apartments in Cameron Highlands? Huh… I could even relocate them to Cameroon.
Education? What do I need Harvard’s MBA for? Do I want a PhD from MIT or Oxford? CIA? CCP? Nah!
Business? Why do I want to own a Fortune 500 Company? So that I can get more money? I don’t need money, you hear?
Major League Baseball team? EPL team? Nope, not when I am Superman.
More ESOS? No, but thanks anyway for the offer. But, I’ll frame the offer letter if that’s fine with you, Mr. Chairman.
When the evil devil’s advocate side of me finally surrendered, the good side came to my senses.
Ok, I want to dedicate my life to doing good deeds. Like saving people’s life, for example. First, I’ll save Tsunami victims in Acheh. But then, there are people in other places too. What about the victims in Kuala Muda, Langkawi, India, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Thailand and Ceylon?
What about the war victims like the Iraqis and others? Don’t tell me they are not worth saving?
And then, I have to stop poverty, hunger, human pains and sufferings, deadly diseases like Cancer and AIDS, and other disasters like earthquakes, draughts, floods, volcano eruptions, snow storms, accidents during festive seasons, Samy Vellu’s flyovers from falling off, corruptions, crimes, Malaysian soccer team from losing their home games, power-crazy world leaders, Governments’ cover-ups, Enron-like scandals, frauds, the Bank’s deteriorating asset quality, AFTA, PMS, another merger…. and my list is growing longer and longer.
Then, my realistic almost-selfish side came in.
What about my family? With all the tasks in my KPI, would I have the time to take my wife shopping or rather, window-shopping every weekends, spend ‘quality’ time with her waiting for her to finish her shopping or window-shopping and carry all those shopping bags, call my mother at least once a week, drive home to visit her 5-6 times a year, visit and pray at my dad’s grave, play basketball with my son, take him to his tuition twice a week, take my daughter to the playground every now and then, take her to her favourite sushi place every Saturdays, take them to the Club every shopping-free weekends, cook for them once in a blue moon, take them for vacations every school holidays, attend all their schools’ activities like Sports Day, Canteen Day, School Carnival, Report Card Day, Prize-giving Ceremony and those boring monthly PIBG Committee meetings, celebrate all their birthdays but mine, celebrate my wedding anniversary, listen to my brothers’ problems once in awhile and have I mentioned, take my wife shopping? (If you can say this one non-stop, you can even go for a marathon or even triathlon.)
And, would I have time to visits my friends and gossip about other friends, talk to my neighbours and gossip about the other neighbours, visit all the relatives during Raya and gossip about the other relatives and attend all the kenduris and gossip about everybody else?
Would I have the time to watch all those sporting activities on TV ~ EPL, NBA, MLB and World Series, NFL and Super Bowl, NCAA, summer and winter Olympics, Tennis Grand Slams, Michael Schumacher and not to forget my all-time favourite, women’s beach volleyball games?
And, what about the tarik sessions? Would I have the time to waste at the teh tarik joints at least once a week? And then, spend one week thinking about becoming Superman? Do I have the time to even think?
To take responsibility of all the things that are happening around you, to set the priorities when everything is too important to be left out, to choose one thing over another, to be in a few places at the same time, and to take care of the people close to you when you have the whole world to think about, it’s a tall order even for Superman. Even Spiderman knows that “with great power comes great responsibility.” And, with the amount of sacrifices that you have to make, who needs the super power? Not me, I don’t.
“I don’t want to be Superman,” I answered before adding on, “Even if I choose to be one, where do I change into my red-and-blue Superman suit when all the phone booths in KL, besides having out-of-order phones, don’t even have doors?” I got a big laugh as a present, and he paid for everything on our table including the two Teh Tariks and a can of 100 Plus I have emptied into my stomach.
Now, let’s change the question, if you were the Bank’s CEO, what would you do?
Chazz-Teh Tarik Joint, Tmn Melati
I was chilling out on a Friday night with an old friend from high school over a few rounds of teh tariks when he popped up a very simple question. You know, one of those questions that sounds rather funny at first, but then, when you think about it, it goes deeper and deeper in your head and then, if you think hard enough, it continues to dwell in your sleeps and your wakes, for weeks, then when you finally get the answer, it is so simple that you think that it’s not worth spending the time to think about it at all. (To tell you the truth, whoever can say the sentence in one breath without taking the oxygen breaks, you should consider taking part in this year’s Malay Mail Big Walk!)
“If you were Superman, what would you do?” he asked.
A whole lot of things came into my mind. The evil side of me came into play. Hmm…if I have those superpowers, what would I do to benefit the good old me, myself and I?
Maybe I could go and rob Ted Turner or Bill Gates. But then, what do I need the money for? With the power that I have, I could just go and take anything I want. Who would stop me? Or rather, who could stop me?
Maybe I could dump people that I don’t like out of this planet, and the nearest would be Alaska, if today were my mother’s birthday? But, with the power that I have, they could not do anything to bother me. Who are these weak humans? I don’t want to dirty my hands on those good-for-nothing scumbags.
So, what do I want?
Beautiful women? What do I want Catherine Zeta-Jones and J.Lo for, when they’re just another cars in APAC’s Storeyard?
Luxury sports cars? Aren’t you forgetting something? I can fly for God’s sake. Evo8 is nothing when you can even smoke a B-2.
Expensive vacations? Again, I can fly. Anywhere. Who needs breakfast in Paris, lunch in South Africa and dinner in Moscow when you could have them in Mars, Venus and Jupiter? Let alone the Bank’s apartments in Cameron Highlands? Huh… I could even relocate them to Cameroon.
Education? What do I need Harvard’s MBA for? Do I want a PhD from MIT or Oxford? CIA? CCP? Nah!
Business? Why do I want to own a Fortune 500 Company? So that I can get more money? I don’t need money, you hear?
Major League Baseball team? EPL team? Nope, not when I am Superman.
More ESOS? No, but thanks anyway for the offer. But, I’ll frame the offer letter if that’s fine with you, Mr. Chairman.
When the evil devil’s advocate side of me finally surrendered, the good side came to my senses.
Ok, I want to dedicate my life to doing good deeds. Like saving people’s life, for example. First, I’ll save Tsunami victims in Acheh. But then, there are people in other places too. What about the victims in Kuala Muda, Langkawi, India, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Thailand and Ceylon?
What about the war victims like the Iraqis and others? Don’t tell me they are not worth saving?
And then, I have to stop poverty, hunger, human pains and sufferings, deadly diseases like Cancer and AIDS, and other disasters like earthquakes, draughts, floods, volcano eruptions, snow storms, accidents during festive seasons, Samy Vellu’s flyovers from falling off, corruptions, crimes, Malaysian soccer team from losing their home games, power-crazy world leaders, Governments’ cover-ups, Enron-like scandals, frauds, the Bank’s deteriorating asset quality, AFTA, PMS, another merger…. and my list is growing longer and longer.
Then, my realistic almost-selfish side came in.
What about my family? With all the tasks in my KPI, would I have the time to take my wife shopping or rather, window-shopping every weekends, spend ‘quality’ time with her waiting for her to finish her shopping or window-shopping and carry all those shopping bags, call my mother at least once a week, drive home to visit her 5-6 times a year, visit and pray at my dad’s grave, play basketball with my son, take him to his tuition twice a week, take my daughter to the playground every now and then, take her to her favourite sushi place every Saturdays, take them to the Club every shopping-free weekends, cook for them once in a blue moon, take them for vacations every school holidays, attend all their schools’ activities like Sports Day, Canteen Day, School Carnival, Report Card Day, Prize-giving Ceremony and those boring monthly PIBG Committee meetings, celebrate all their birthdays but mine, celebrate my wedding anniversary, listen to my brothers’ problems once in awhile and have I mentioned, take my wife shopping? (If you can say this one non-stop, you can even go for a marathon or even triathlon.)
And, would I have time to visits my friends and gossip about other friends, talk to my neighbours and gossip about the other neighbours, visit all the relatives during Raya and gossip about the other relatives and attend all the kenduris and gossip about everybody else?
Would I have the time to watch all those sporting activities on TV ~ EPL, NBA, MLB and World Series, NFL and Super Bowl, NCAA, summer and winter Olympics, Tennis Grand Slams, Michael Schumacher and not to forget my all-time favourite, women’s beach volleyball games?
And, what about the tarik sessions? Would I have the time to waste at the teh tarik joints at least once a week? And then, spend one week thinking about becoming Superman? Do I have the time to even think?
To take responsibility of all the things that are happening around you, to set the priorities when everything is too important to be left out, to choose one thing over another, to be in a few places at the same time, and to take care of the people close to you when you have the whole world to think about, it’s a tall order even for Superman. Even Spiderman knows that “with great power comes great responsibility.” And, with the amount of sacrifices that you have to make, who needs the super power? Not me, I don’t.
“I don’t want to be Superman,” I answered before adding on, “Even if I choose to be one, where do I change into my red-and-blue Superman suit when all the phone booths in KL, besides having out-of-order phones, don’t even have doors?” I got a big laugh as a present, and he paid for everything on our table including the two Teh Tariks and a can of 100 Plus I have emptied into my stomach.
Now, let’s change the question, if you were the Bank’s CEO, what would you do?
Chazz-Teh Tarik Joint, Tmn Melati
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