Bye Bye baby
Friday
It was Good Friday. A public holiday for certain states. Even, my son’s school, St John’s Institution was closed to observe the holiday. It was certainly not a good Friday for Roze when she started complaining about the pain and the heavy discharge she was experiencing. At that point, she was nothing else but certain that she had lost the baby. I knew she was worried about it. That was Roze, being herself. That was Roze whom I married 14 years ago. “Okay, never mind if we lost it. Just don’t worry about it. We’ll go back to Pantai (Medical Center) today and confirm that”, I said to her.
Roze started experiencing slight bleeding on Wednesday, a day after we met Dr. Idris, the gynecologist that was recommended to her by a Doctor friend. Well, he was a polite, soft-spoken middle-aged Doctor, a character that fits perfectly to image of a male gynecologist I always had in my mind. Perhaps, I was thinking of Dr. Onny, a gynecologist who handled Roze’s previous pregnancies.
“Slight discomfort that you are experiencing is normal, and don’t worry about the discharge. The baby is still intact. Each pregnancy is different. I had a patient who had discharge for the whole 9 months, and her baby was born normal”, Dr. Idris explained while performing an ultra-sound scan on her. I looked at Roze with a smile all over my face. Well, I proved that she was wrong.
“Just take the pills that I’m gonna give you and I’m sure we would be able to save the baby”, he added and we went home. I could see the relief on Roze’s face. The worry suddenly wiped off her face.
Saturday
Just like Friday, the same thing reoccurred. I went through a Déjà vu, more like a dramatization of the series of events that occurred on Friday and we took another trip to Dr. Idris’s clinic in the morning. Again, after an ultra-sound scan, he confirmed that the baby was still intact. He also recommended an increased dosage on Roze’s prescriptions. “If the pregnancy is okay, no matter what happens, even if you experience the pain and discharge, the baby is gonna be fine. But, if the baby is not strong, no matter what we do, no matter what medication we take, it will still be gone”, Dr. Idris explained further. It was a lesson about life and fate from the Doctor that caught my attention and instantly gained my concurrence. On our trip home, I reminded Roze about it. Yes, it’s all about fate. And, we could only do so much, but we couldn’t control fate.
Monday
The fate finally knocked on our door. Roze complained about the heavy bleeding she experienced at 7 p.m. last night (which she didn’t tell me earlier) and another one at 2 a.m. She believed that the baby was finally gone, judging from the bleeding and the pain she suffered. It was real blood. And, the pain was out of this world. To her, it was labor pain.
I was panicking and in a state of disbelief. I didn’t accept what she told me about the baby. Not that easily, at least. I needed proof. I needed to be told officially. But, seeing her suffering from the pain was the last thing I wanted to do. And, the only solution was to go back to Pantai. I drove her straight to the Pantai’s Emergency room because it was still early (Dr. Idris’s clinic only opens at 9:00 a.m.) and I wanted Roze’s pain and suffering to go away. We were met by a middle-aged ER employee at the entrance who quickly put Roze on a wheelchair and wheeled her in. I had to move my car from obstructing others to a designated parking space about 10 meters from the entrance. When I went in the room, she was already on bed and was attended by 2 nurses and a doctor.
After registering her at the reception counter, I went back to see Roze. She was calm but still combating with the pain. “Dr. Idris requested you to go and see him”, the nice Indian doctor told us. “No worries, we’ll send you there in a moment”, he continued while instructing his assistant to get the wheelchair and send Roze to Dr. Idris’s clinic, which was located on Block A.
We reached there in less than 5 minutes only to find out there were people waiting to see the doctor. I was expecting that she would be called in right away to see the doctor. I was in perfect control of myself until I realized that Roze was not gonna be given special treatment. To see her suffering from the pain and the waiting game they were playing drove me off the edge. I didn’t have other choice but to stand up and make myself heard. I walked into the counter where the assistants were sitting and called one of them.
“We came from the Emergency Room because the doctor wanted to see her. She is in pain and if I knew that we have to wait for our turn, I wouldn’t have come here. I would let her stay in ER or put her in the ward instead”, I stated my case loud and clear. I could feel the resistance from her from the look that she gave me but I didn’t really care. I was the Superhero that I was destined to be. She called the other patient in, perhaps in retaliation to my behavior. I gave her a stare to make my stand even stronger.
We were finally called in. At last, my fight was victorious. The doctor quickly performed the ultra-sound scan the moment Roze lied on bed. And, finally, the moment of truth was there. Finally, the words from the Doctor’s mouth matched those words that I had been hearing from Roze for the past few days but I chose to ignore them. “If you look here, this is the baby. It’s different from the last time we scanned it. I don’t think the baby is in healthy condition to continue. I think we’ve lost the baby.”, Dr. Idris confirmed what I refused to believe earlier. “Let’s do the D&C today, perhaps at 11:00 am.”, he continued. “Have you eaten anything this morning?”, he asked before went on to explain the detailed procedure that he was going to perform.
He instructed one of the assistant to send Roze to Admission to arrange for a room in which she could rest before the operation. I filled in a few forms and after less than 10 minutes, Roze was wheeled to Room C431, a single room she requested for. I agreed to her request because of the horrendous experience we had earlier with the room with multiple occupants.
Room C431. I looked at my watch and the time was 9:30 a.m. Well, we still had an hour and thirty minutes to go. Roze was resting quite comfortably despite the pains. I switched on the TV and flipped through the channels to check the programs that they had, knowing that I would have to spend a night in the room. “Is the discovery channel okay with you?”, I asked her, asking for approval. I knew she would prefer Travel & Living channel but it was not one of the programs available. She just nodded while continued to be in silence. I knew she was nervous about the operation and at the same time, frustrated and still mourning over the lost of our third baby.
Chazz-Room C431, Pantai Medical Centre
It was Good Friday. A public holiday for certain states. Even, my son’s school, St John’s Institution was closed to observe the holiday. It was certainly not a good Friday for Roze when she started complaining about the pain and the heavy discharge she was experiencing. At that point, she was nothing else but certain that she had lost the baby. I knew she was worried about it. That was Roze, being herself. That was Roze whom I married 14 years ago. “Okay, never mind if we lost it. Just don’t worry about it. We’ll go back to Pantai (Medical Center) today and confirm that”, I said to her.
Roze started experiencing slight bleeding on Wednesday, a day after we met Dr. Idris, the gynecologist that was recommended to her by a Doctor friend. Well, he was a polite, soft-spoken middle-aged Doctor, a character that fits perfectly to image of a male gynecologist I always had in my mind. Perhaps, I was thinking of Dr. Onny, a gynecologist who handled Roze’s previous pregnancies.
“Slight discomfort that you are experiencing is normal, and don’t worry about the discharge. The baby is still intact. Each pregnancy is different. I had a patient who had discharge for the whole 9 months, and her baby was born normal”, Dr. Idris explained while performing an ultra-sound scan on her. I looked at Roze with a smile all over my face. Well, I proved that she was wrong.
“Just take the pills that I’m gonna give you and I’m sure we would be able to save the baby”, he added and we went home. I could see the relief on Roze’s face. The worry suddenly wiped off her face.
Saturday
Just like Friday, the same thing reoccurred. I went through a Déjà vu, more like a dramatization of the series of events that occurred on Friday and we took another trip to Dr. Idris’s clinic in the morning. Again, after an ultra-sound scan, he confirmed that the baby was still intact. He also recommended an increased dosage on Roze’s prescriptions. “If the pregnancy is okay, no matter what happens, even if you experience the pain and discharge, the baby is gonna be fine. But, if the baby is not strong, no matter what we do, no matter what medication we take, it will still be gone”, Dr. Idris explained further. It was a lesson about life and fate from the Doctor that caught my attention and instantly gained my concurrence. On our trip home, I reminded Roze about it. Yes, it’s all about fate. And, we could only do so much, but we couldn’t control fate.
Monday
The fate finally knocked on our door. Roze complained about the heavy bleeding she experienced at 7 p.m. last night (which she didn’t tell me earlier) and another one at 2 a.m. She believed that the baby was finally gone, judging from the bleeding and the pain she suffered. It was real blood. And, the pain was out of this world. To her, it was labor pain.
I was panicking and in a state of disbelief. I didn’t accept what she told me about the baby. Not that easily, at least. I needed proof. I needed to be told officially. But, seeing her suffering from the pain was the last thing I wanted to do. And, the only solution was to go back to Pantai. I drove her straight to the Pantai’s Emergency room because it was still early (Dr. Idris’s clinic only opens at 9:00 a.m.) and I wanted Roze’s pain and suffering to go away. We were met by a middle-aged ER employee at the entrance who quickly put Roze on a wheelchair and wheeled her in. I had to move my car from obstructing others to a designated parking space about 10 meters from the entrance. When I went in the room, she was already on bed and was attended by 2 nurses and a doctor.
After registering her at the reception counter, I went back to see Roze. She was calm but still combating with the pain. “Dr. Idris requested you to go and see him”, the nice Indian doctor told us. “No worries, we’ll send you there in a moment”, he continued while instructing his assistant to get the wheelchair and send Roze to Dr. Idris’s clinic, which was located on Block A.
We reached there in less than 5 minutes only to find out there were people waiting to see the doctor. I was expecting that she would be called in right away to see the doctor. I was in perfect control of myself until I realized that Roze was not gonna be given special treatment. To see her suffering from the pain and the waiting game they were playing drove me off the edge. I didn’t have other choice but to stand up and make myself heard. I walked into the counter where the assistants were sitting and called one of them.
“We came from the Emergency Room because the doctor wanted to see her. She is in pain and if I knew that we have to wait for our turn, I wouldn’t have come here. I would let her stay in ER or put her in the ward instead”, I stated my case loud and clear. I could feel the resistance from her from the look that she gave me but I didn’t really care. I was the Superhero that I was destined to be. She called the other patient in, perhaps in retaliation to my behavior. I gave her a stare to make my stand even stronger.
We were finally called in. At last, my fight was victorious. The doctor quickly performed the ultra-sound scan the moment Roze lied on bed. And, finally, the moment of truth was there. Finally, the words from the Doctor’s mouth matched those words that I had been hearing from Roze for the past few days but I chose to ignore them. “If you look here, this is the baby. It’s different from the last time we scanned it. I don’t think the baby is in healthy condition to continue. I think we’ve lost the baby.”, Dr. Idris confirmed what I refused to believe earlier. “Let’s do the D&C today, perhaps at 11:00 am.”, he continued. “Have you eaten anything this morning?”, he asked before went on to explain the detailed procedure that he was going to perform.
He instructed one of the assistant to send Roze to Admission to arrange for a room in which she could rest before the operation. I filled in a few forms and after less than 10 minutes, Roze was wheeled to Room C431, a single room she requested for. I agreed to her request because of the horrendous experience we had earlier with the room with multiple occupants.
Room C431. I looked at my watch and the time was 9:30 a.m. Well, we still had an hour and thirty minutes to go. Roze was resting quite comfortably despite the pains. I switched on the TV and flipped through the channels to check the programs that they had, knowing that I would have to spend a night in the room. “Is the discovery channel okay with you?”, I asked her, asking for approval. I knew she would prefer Travel & Living channel but it was not one of the programs available. She just nodded while continued to be in silence. I knew she was nervous about the operation and at the same time, frustrated and still mourning over the lost of our third baby.
Chazz-Room C431, Pantai Medical Centre
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